A Duel with a Printer

Today I’m fighting with my printer. Again.

There are days when I love my printer. Those are the days when it flawlessly delivers a bountiful harvest of coupons. Or even when I can conveniently print out my shopping list, complete with notes about coupons, how much to spend at each store, and the most efficient route to cover all the stores in the proper order.

Other days I would like to tear up my printer into shreds roughly the size of nanobots and shoot its remains toward Poland. (That last bit was an inside joke for Russian history buffs… The rest of you can fill in whatever method of punishment seems most appropriate such as burning, strewing on the sea, etc.) Today is not quite one of those days, but it is rapidly approaching that status.

I have to admit, it may not even be my printer’s fault. It might be my computer or the router. If I knew that, I’d be one step closer to being able to use my printer again. All I have been able to determine is that my computer and my printer are not on speaking terms.

The printer works perfectly fine, printing test pages at the push of a button, and merrily giving me all the right answers to my questions–as long as I interact with it directly. As soon as I try to use my computer to print a test page the computer looks at me blankly and says, “Printer? What printer?”

I check the page of installed printers and point out that not only does it know this printer, it says that the printer is ready to go. “Oh, you mean this printer…” Yes, I say, of course I meant that printer, it’s the same printer you’ve been printing to for months! As I mutter, I try printing something again. And the computer stares off into space for a while as though considering my request and then says, “Printer? What printer?”

In desperation I decided to try reinstalling the printer entirely, but the computer has just upped the ante, insisting that there is no printer on this network that it can see. The printer continues to assure me that, yes maam, it is signed on the network with all the proper procedure and strings of numbers I don’t understand, and it has no idea why the computer is being difficult.

Possibly they need their heads knocked together. Or I should try the shooting them toward Poland thing. Or I might just wait until Colton gets home and direct his technology aura at it. Or… Wait, hang on… Apparently if I just connect them with a cable and tell the computer that the printer needs help connecting to the network, they figure it all out on their own. I’m not sure if this is the equivalent of locking them in a room and telling them to fight it out or creative counseling, but it would appear that the printer and computer are once again best friends and can’t imagine why I ever thought otherwise.

At least I can print my coupons now…

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