I’ve been sick for a week now. I’m slowly getting better, which is relief after waking up a few days ago with an itchiness in my lungs that reminded me of my three week bout of bronchitis last summer. Aggressive use of Theives Oil along with my normal vitamin regimen has cleared up the lung itchiness and begun to lessen the cough. For the past couple of days I’ve been feeling well enough to do household chores for ten minutes, rest for twenty minutes and repeat.
I thought I could handle being sick this time, but even with recovery on the horizon, I’m getting frustrated. I keep pushing projects back a day or so at a time, or moving them to next week, knowing by then I’ll have new projects I want to do. They’re little projects like washing the living room windows or shaking out the welcome mat in front of the door. Or, I see a tutorial on cleaning out your freezer and think what a great idea that would be, and I should clean out my freezer today! After I wash all the dishes and clean the rest of the house, of course. And then keel over from exhaustion and spend the next two days in bed… Overall not such a splendid idea.
So when I read Gabrielle’s blog this morning, this line stood out to me: “There are so many productive things I could be doing if I weren’t moving at this pace.”
Before I got sick Colton and I just been trying to be more deliberate about our schedule. Trying to fit in important things, more fellowship time with people, having people over for dinner again after letting that lapse for the last few months. This also meant being very deliberate about scheduling in down time so I could keep up the pace long term.
And then I got sick. Gabrielle’s post clicked in my head with these thoughts and left me wondering…
“Slower than this, Father?
Don’t you want me to be more productive? Do more with my time?
Don’t people already think that Colton and I are anti-social recluses, and that I should have more time on my hands than I can reasonably fill with what I do?
Or is this just a reminder that I need to keep it slow so I don’t break more in the future?
Or is life about to get crazy, busy again, and this is You giving me a break before that happens?
Or maybe I don’t need to know the details and I just needed space to pay attention to the message.
Why? I’m not sure yet. “Because I’ll break otherwise” is probably a good start. Bits of other lessons to be relearned are beginning to coalesce too. It doesn’t seem to me to be a good enough reason to be home sick instead of energetically taking on the world, assorted dragons and several mountains at once. But I’ve begun to get the impression that God knows better than I do, so for now, slow it is.