Working Hard at Resting

I have deliberately put my body into a state where it’s using most of it’s energy to heal broken cells. It’s attacking toxins it’s been ignoring for a while, rebuilding leaky parts of the intestinal wall, and generally tidying up.

Meanwhile, out here in a world my cells don’t even know exists, continues the normal barrage of birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and lots and lots of dirty dishes.

I have to keep reminding myself that I’m tired now so that later I will be less broken and have a normal level of energy most of the time instead of rarely. That it’s a good thing that all my energy is going to healing. That I’m not being lazy.

I have to prioritize my days so that the most vital tasks get done. Sometimes that doesn’t include the pile of dirty dishes spilling off the counter. I haven’t dusted since I started the GAPS diet, and I don’t think I’ve vacuumed either (though Toby vacuumed for me last week).  In fact, the first priority is often food, and replenishing the supply of nutrients needed to keep my body hard at work rebuilding cells (from the outside working to rebuild cells sometimes looks a lot like napping).

I had envisioned GAPS diet as a quiet time of less energy and therefore more time for reflection, spending time in Scripture and quiet, creative projects. Instead it often feels busier as I take the list of everything that has to get done in the next couple of days and decide which of those ‘have-tos’ aren’t going to happen, and then work through the rest in short bursts through the day.

Practically speaking, I’ve spent a lot of my life learning how to get things done. I’m naturally stubborn, but I had to learn to translate that into following through on tasks I started. I have a tendency to avoid projects that have gotten complicated, instead of dealing with them, untangling the knot of ‘project’ into strands that can be dealt with one at a time, and moving on. I’ve had to learn to look at the big picture instead of painstakingly rearranging the knickknacks on a shelf while the rest of the room is in chaos.

And now I’m once again having to balance that with something else I learned slowly: the fate of the world doesn’t rest on my shoulders. I don’t have to do everything, or do it perfectly, to be faithfully fulfilling my calling at this moment. Sometimes God says it’s time step back and rest and heal.

So I nap in the mornings, and listen to some Scripture on mp3 while I take my detox bath, and eat my breakfast with more attention than normal as I try to include all the necessary nutritious food, and don’t even start to tackle the Gordian Knot of Necessary until after lunch. And then I face it, untangle it, and discard strands I want to think are still necessary, and get to work on what I *can* do.

And sometimes I daydream about being Lyme-free and having enough energy to breeze through my daily chores, knock out a project or two, and still have enough energy to go hiking in the evening. Someday…


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