The Vocabulary of Tiredness

My husband made me take a sick day today. I’d go into a rant here about the difference between people’s perception of headship and submission and the reality that my husband couldn’t really take care of me if I didn’t have to listen to him, but this rant would probably just make me want to go find someone to smack, and I don’t think that’s an approved sick day activity.

Sometimes I wonder if people assume that I milk this whole Lyme disease thing for all it’s worth and sit around eating bon-bons and watching Vin Diesel movies. (Mental note: my husband is also right about the fact that I should really not care what random people think. I should really listen to him.) In reality it’s more like I drag through my chores taking three times as long as I should because I’m too stubborn to just go take a nap, and when I really do need to sit down, instead of relaxing I research health problems and discount codes for household items we might need to buy.

I’m getting better about this, mostly because it makes my husband very unhappy when I make myself miserable trying to do to much. Since I like to make him happy, this means trying very hard to remember to rest when I need to, and overall trying to get healthier and have more energy so I can bake more cookies, keep up with the dishes and reorganize the pantry. (Okay, so maybe a reorganized pantry is more to make me happy.)

For instance, this morning, after several days of kind of having a cold I woke up feeling exhausted and congested. I tried to convince myself that I might feel great once I got up and around, and it didn’t really take. Four hours of extra sleep later, I was once again dragging around trying to convince myself that I should feel great with all that extra sleep, and it would be a great time to attack my Monday chores, maybe after one more cup of tea.

My husband got home and told me I looked horrible. Usually this statement makes me snicker and he then rephrases to what I knew he meant anyway. This time it just made me feel better about feeling horrible, because if I looked horrible too, I probably really did feel horrible.

I’ve been feeling a lot better overall the last few months. Still lots of ups and downs, but with the occasional entire week where I feel great and get a lot done. I’ve started to get used to feeling better.

I had the startling realization that after a full day of productivity I could be ‘tired’ and still feel better than I had all day on a bad energy day. Which made me realize that (a) I’d been functioning on a much deeper level of tired than I’d even realized and (b) I’d probably completely failed to communicate what ‘tired’ actually meant to most people who asked how I was feeling. Naturally this left me contemplating the subtle differences between ‘sleepy’, ‘winded’, ‘worn out’, ‘exhausted’ and ‘I think if I focus I can talk myself through getting dressed and starting my day, but I might cry if I have to exercise this morning’.

The best part of taking a sick day today is that I have a reasonable expectation of actually feeling better in a few days, instead of just getting back up the level of functional in a few days. It’s a lot easier to enjoy my sick day when I finished almost my entire backlog of to-do list last week and can look forward to starting in on my giant list of potential projects.

Plus, no guilt for taking a sick day, because I *had* to. My husband said so.

Cranberry Sunflower Seed Chocolate Bars

If, like me, you’re looking for more ways to get sprouted sunflower seeds and coconut oil into your diet, you’ll like this post. The rest of you can move on and ignore it. You know, if you hate eating chocolate…

I based this recipe on Three Ingredient Chocolate Bars, but modified it to use turbinado sugar because I’m slightly skeptical of stevia and good raw honey is stinking expensive.

I used sunflower seeds that were halfway between soaked and sprouted. I’ve found that if I soak them is saltwater overnight, drain them and stick them in the fridge, they very slowly sprout with no further attention needed.

For the mixing coconut oil and sugar stage my actual process looked more like, “Try to mix turbinado sugar with coconut oil. Try harder. Leave it for a while and see if turbinado dissolves in oil. Discover that it just doesn’t. Try heating it again. Finally try adding a splash of water and declare the odd, gloopy almost mixed substance a success.” You get the modified version below, and once you mix in the cocoa powder everything blends together just fine.

IMG_0653

Cranberry Sunflower Seed Chocolate Bars

1/2 cup coconut oil

1/4 cup turbinado sugar, slightly heaping unless you like very dark chocolate

1 TBSP water

1 cup +2 TBSP cocoa powder (I used raw cocao powder)

2/3 cup dried cranberries

2/3 cup soaked sunflower seeds

Sprinkle cranberries and sunflower seeds across the bottom of an 8×8 pan. (I didn’t actually measure them, just used enough to almost cover the entire bottom of the pan.)

Melt coconut oil in medium saucepan. Remove from heat and mix in sugar and water. Return to heat if necessary get sugar to dissolve. It doesn’t have to mix neatly, but if you still have granules your chocolate will be grainy.

Mix in cocoa powder.

Pour chocolate mixture evenly over cranberries and sunflower seeds, smoothing slightly if necessary.

Freeze for 15-30 minutes.

Remove from freezer and let soften slightly before cutting. (Or I suppose you could just take it out before it gets really hard and cut it then, if you’re an organized person like that.)

Makes 15 ‘fun sized’ bars.